Relationships are about power. We give some, we take some -- that is the ideal recipe, eh?
Yet, so many of us give up our power to others in a relationship, sometimes out of fear of being alone, or fear of losing security (financial, emotional, sexual). Notice a pattern emerges. We sometimes stay in poor, unhealthy relationships out of fear -- brought on by giving away our own power.
So ? How do we get our power back and put our relationship, or at least our attitudeabout our relationship, back on an even keel?
First ~ Remove the rose colored glasses and see things for what and how they really are. This is a tough one for most of us because we have lived so long under an illusion that there is permanence in a world where permanence just does not exist. Change is a constant in the physical life. Energies continually shift and we are being impacted by these changes every moment of every day. Accepting that 'things' change is step one in returning our power to ourselves -- becoming self-empowered.
Second ~ Finding the right balance. I am saying 'right' balance because balance can be relative or subjective. We often determine balance in a relative way, perhaps estimating it by comparing our perception of balance to someone or something else. Subjective balance is that which is more pointed toward our own personal feel for it - an introspective perception that is biased by our individuality. Which balance is 'right' balance? Right balance is that which serves the good of the whole - plain and simple. And, we are part of that whole.
Third ~ Create a "Me" wall. One sure-fire way of building your confidence and taking back your power is to create a 'Me" wall that contains things you like about yourself, photographs of happy times, prints of special places you love or things that you enjoy. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement, bolstering your confidence by hanging that special certificate you received, your diplomas, certifications, and degrees. Fill your wall with everything positive you have about yourself and ... include a mirror right smack dab in the middle so you can see yourself, too ! Don't feel that this is being egotistical or vain because it is not. It is OK to appreciate your accomplishments. When we lose appreciation for our own success, we effectively diminish our personal power. A "Me" wall reaffirms our self-esteem and re-establishes a belief in our own powers and abilities which equates to self-empowerment, not undue favor of ourselves.
Fourth ~ If the world is a stage, be your own writer, director and star ! Shakespeare said it most poignantly that the world is a stage and that we are all actors (or something akin to this ~smile~). I say ... don't stop at merely being an actor, be your own writer and director, too! You are the product of your thoughts, so include the whole show in your thoughts and create, produce, direct and star in your own life. What fun !
Fifth ~ Utilize the art of visualization to achieve your goals. And, don't be afraid to dream big! Visualization and dreams run along parallel lines. We have hopes and dreams. Now ... take those hopes and dreams and see them visually. Take five or ten minutes every day to create a daydream of your hopes and see them exactly as you would like it. By visualizing your dreams, you give them power, thereby fortifying your self-empowerment. You can also take it a step further into contemplation and not only visualize your dreams, but also incorporate all your senses -- seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, and smelling.
Sixth ~ Know that every stumbling block is really a stepping stone in disguise. Our perception of things can make all the difference. Sometimes we just need to ask ourselves ... "Is the glass half empty or half full?" You've heard this before, I'm sure, but consider the difference between the two --- emptiness or fullness -- direct opposites. Seeing a glass as half empty is perceived as the glass being deficient and lacking, therefore, of negative value. However, seeing a glass as being half-full is perceived as being abundant and sufficient leaving a positive connotation. Don't allow stumbling blocks to stop your progress; perceive them as stepping stones and flit across them toward your goals without skipping a beat. See the glass as half-full.
Seventh ~ A smile is a curve that doesn't need straightening out. Smile more -- at others, at yourself! Smiling does more than simply stretch your facial muscles. It opens the floodgates of unconditional love and compassion. Share that infectious smile of yours with everyone you meet and keep it on your face daily. Why? Because there is this thing called 'muscle memory' ~~ a physical process where muscle mass becomes familiar with a movement over time and 'memorizes' it as a motor skill. Reminding yourself to smile more every day will make it so that your smile will simply become a permanent part of your life and the effort of smiling, although physical, comes from within the Soul, the 'real' you! Let it out !
By taking back your power .. in your job, your home and your relationships, you begin to emerge as a more confident, successful, and empowered individual --- one who is unafraid to begin or end a relationship. You give yourself the power to make the choice, your own choice, unhindered and uninfluenced by any one other than yourself.