Saturday, May 26, 2012

40 Books You Won't Be Able to Put Down.

The one you read in one or two sittings. The one you practically swallowed whole. What an exhilarating experience –– to be so captivated by a book that you cannot bear to do anything until you get to the last page!  
There seems to be something for everyone on this list -- mystery, romance, biography, contemporary literature, classics, even paranormal. So, did your favorite quick read make the list? 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

41 Words you don't hear anymore

1) Be sure to refill the ice trays, we're going to have company.

2) Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today ..

3) Quit slamming the scree door when you go out!

4) Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.

5) Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.

6) Wash your feet before you go to bed, you've been playing outside all day barefooted.

7) Why can't you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.

8) You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.

9) Don't you go outside with your school clothes on!

10) Go comb your hair, it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.    

11) Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.

12) Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one.                        

13) Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won't get on it.

14) Quit jumping on the floor!  I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don't quit!

15) Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.

16) You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.                  
17) There's a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
18) Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.                      
19) You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise.
20) Sit closer to the radio, don't turn it up so loud.         

21) If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
22) Don't lose that button; I won't be able to sew it back on.                

23) Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
24) Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
25) Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don't have to do that tonight in the dark.           
26) Here, take this old Sears and Roebuck catalog to the toilet with you when you go, we are  almost out of paper out there.
27) Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
28) Don't turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.      

29) No! I don't have 10 cents for you to go to the  show. Do you think money grows on trees?
30) Eat those turnips, they'll make you big and strong like your daddy.
31) That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don't care how cold it is out there, dogs don't stay in the house.             

32) Sit still! I'm trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
33) Hush your mouth! I don't want to hear words like Dad Gummit! I'll wash your mouth out with soap!
34) It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor 
oil tonight.
35) If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you'll get another one when you get home.                     

36) Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
37) Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won't get infected.
38) When you take your driving test, don't forget to signal each turn.   Left arm straight out the window for a left turn;  left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and  straight 
down to the side of the door when you are going to stop.
39) It's: 'Yes Ma'am!' and 'No Ma'am!' to me, young man, and don't you forget it!            
40) Hurry up and finish drying the dishes so we can go "ketch sum lightnin bugs and pit 'em in a jar".                                
41) Y'allcome back now, ya  hear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!        

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7 
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. 

Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 6 
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them headfirst down the stairs.
Number 5 
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4 
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2 
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. 

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought 
Life is like a jar of Habanero peppers--what you do today, might really burn your ass tomorrow. 

And as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age.. it doesn't really last that long."