Life is sexually transmitted.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them headfirst down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Habanero peppers--what you do today, might really burn your ass tomorrow.
And as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age.. it doesn't really last that long."