Keeping with a dog theme (see our top 10 smartest dogs), today’s top 10 list is a bit more bizarre, but still helpful advice for those who stroll in dog-filled neighborhoods. Behold the Top 10 Worst Shoes If You Step In Dog Poop.
10. Kitten Heels
Ever walked over grass with kitten heels? Those little heals sink right in and it’s like you are wearing flats. Imagine if the grass was actually dog poop. Yuck.
9. Heelys
Stepping in dog poo is bad enough but how about gliding through it balanced on your heels? I hope you’re wearing a helmet! And, good luck cleaning the poop out of the wheel well…
8. Marabou Slippers
I’m optimistically placing this one lower on the list because I’m hoping the ‘gift’ your neighbor’s dog left in your yard is shallow enough not to hit the feathers. The risk is there and, as an added bonus, they are always open-toed, so if you are fancy enough to go take out the trash in your silky robe and marabou slippers, watch your step!
7. Brand New White Running Shoes
If you are impractical enough to buy white street shoes then you know it is only a matter of time before they get their first scuff and it’s all down hill from there. Imagine stepping out in your brand new shoes only to step in dog doo-doo. Brown shoes suddenly make so much more sense.
6. Flip Flops
The first thing to point out about these shoes is that they make you walk funny (“Flip, Flop, Flip, Flop, Flip, Flop”) so I’m opposed to them in general. However, for the purposes of this list I am warning you away from them for two reasons: 1) They leave most of your foot exposed; 2) If you step in something (like some dog flop, for example) it is likely to flip up on to your calf.
5. Converse (classic style Chuck Taylors)
My recent personal experience with my chucks and some doggy diarrhea actually led to this list. First of all they are generally made out of canvas so the poop puddle I stepped in soaked right through. Not something you can just wipe off on the grass: you’re stuck with it until you get home and by this time your socks are d-d-d-d-damp. Secondly, they have air holes on the sides for extra sauce on the side. And, if you’re like me, you’ve worn them until they have some extra holes worn in to them. Yippee. But, wait, there’s more! The soles have deep grooves that trap whatever you step in.
4. Espadrilles
Made out of cloth and woven fibres – you might as well just think of the soles as a big dry sponge. You can take shoe out of the pile of dog poop but good luck ever getting that smell completely out of the shoe…
3. Bunny Slippers
So adorable, so fluffy and white… these tame little bunnies are safest indoors. But, as they say, sh*t happens. When it does I would recommend you leave them outside…
2. Custom-dyed Wedding/Prom Shoes
These shoes are dyed to match your dress exactly for very special occasions. Occasions so special that you probably only wear these shoes outside on “the big day”. Which means that if you step in something brown and squishy it will be on your way to the big event. At least try not to get any on your dress when you are desperately trying to wipe the mess off the linen fabric. Ask that limo driver to stop off at a shoe store on the way.
1. Aquasocks
They are called aqua ”socks” and they are a lot like stepping in dog poo in your socks. Yuck. Hopefully there is some aqua near by so you can rinse off your feet…
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